VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
