yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
