Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
