Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
