bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
