Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
