dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
