I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
