i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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