she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
