I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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