well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
