I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
