You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
