I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
