So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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