im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
