just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize