I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
