Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
