i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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