More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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