i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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