So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
