hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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