gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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