He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
