What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
