**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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