Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
