Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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