I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
