the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
