Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its liver damage thursday
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
