I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
