Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize