Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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