I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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