Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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