did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
