are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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