just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
