This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
