I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
