I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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