I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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