i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize