It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
