Pappa wants mamma naked
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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