i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize