Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
