i already hear my dad disowning me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
