I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
nutella sex= disaster
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
