we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
