is your mom at the bar?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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