I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
