I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
