Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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