Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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