Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
