Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wat bout pragnant strippers??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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