Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
