Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
