I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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