I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I've blown a few things in my day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
being pregnant is like rehab
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
