Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this just has baby written all over it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
