yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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