i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
