I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They took my balls.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
