I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
